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Fri
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Dec '11

Protected: Without a Summer draft: Chapter 25

This entry is part 25 of 28 in the series Without a Summer draft

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  • Kurt Pankau

    Nice. The reading of the charges caused me quite a few stumbles, but it worked for humor. (Was it supposed to work for humor?) Although I was under the impression that England didn’t have a constitution.

    Also, I’m having trouble with the geography of the room. It’s hard to picture how big it is, where people are seated, which direction they should be looking. Other than that, I liked it quite a lot.

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      The charges are lifted verbatim, with the names and date changed, from the historical case that this is based on.

      And yeah… the geography is craptastic in this pass. I need to sit down with a historian who knows the Old Bailey and have them walk me through.

  • http://ibmiller.livejournal.com Ian Miller

    I do like the humor of the defense, and the tension is nicely done (as is the working of glamour – yay!), but Jane “adoring” the defense seemed a bit off, somehow – anachronistic, or overly effusive.

    Or it could just be me.

    I was wondering if this was taking from the Luddites – and it seems it was!  I like how it blends with the rest of the court dialogue (though maybe that’s why the “adore” stuck out to me).

  • Peter E.

    Miss Rosalind de Clare,
    Who?

  • Peter E.

    “Vincent murmured, “They should not be able to hear us so long as we speak softly and do not allow our lips much movement.”
    A subtle solution to the ‘prisoner’s dilemma’.

    Good chapter

  • Julia Rios

    Miss de Clare! !!! I so didn’t see that coming, and yet the hints were there.

  • John Devenny

    I’m a sucker for courtroom dramas so I really enjoyed this chapter. Of course in this world of glamour things will be different and I thought it’s use to allow Jane and Vincent’s dialogue was great.
    The last sentence was a total surprise and sets the next chapter up very nicely.

  • Maggie

    Another typo (I know you’re probably not really concerned with those now, but I figured I might as well mention them as I spot them.):  “She had though it”  should be “thought”…

    And I think I’d get rid of “if” in “asked if” in this sentence:  People who had seemed to doze now awoke and turned to
    their neighbors and asked if “Didn’t they look guilty” or “this is a
    hanging judge, ain’t he,” or “Did you ever see the like?”  And I’d rephrase this: “And one man who said, “Easy to spot the Irishman at any rate.” to: One man said, “Easy…”

    “The one nearest him shifted away, as if to distance himself. Mr. Lucas
    turned to regard him and Jane could not see his face, but when he turned
    back, he wore a deep frown and some of the hopelessness had gone out of
    his face.”  Hopelessness or hopefulness?

    I loved that Vincent used glamour to confer with the others accused. What a great use of it.

    “When would they have a chance to converse, so she could find out the details of her discussion with the Prince Regent.” Needs a question mark at the end…

    “Frowning, Devenny left the stand and the prosecution resumed his
    questioning. He then called a shop boy who testified that Mr. O’Brien
    frequently came in on his way to the Coldmongers.”  He’s resuming his calling witnesses rather than the questioning, since Devenny left the stand?  Maybe awkward phrasing?

    I rather adore the defense too! Great chapter!

  • http://lachristensen.wordpress.com/ Laura Christensen

    Notes as I read:

    As Jane and Vincent entered, Lord Stratton looked as though he wished to say something, but checked himself.
    >>Hmm. Last minute strategy? Good luck?

    As gratifying as her mother’s concern was, Jane could wish she showed a trifle more restraint.
    >>Well…the good news is that nothing quite compares to this and maybe she won’t be as dramatic in the future? *amused*

    To Jane’s surprise, Sir Prescott had come and sat in the row one back from her parents.The kindness he showed in supporting her mother was quite unexpected.
    >>Hmm. I…forget who that is. *embarrassed*

    The bailiff read from a sheet of vellum. . . .
    >>Lol! Love this paragraph, though I wonder when the poor man breathed!

    Everything he had done, she had cast in the worst possible light. What could she expect from the jury already disposed to distrust him?
    >>Um, yes. :/

    The first witness took his place. Until he was seated, Jane did not recognize him as the footman. He was attired now in the clothing of a gentleman, with knee breeches and a dark blue jacket over a buff silk waistcoat.
    >>Uh oh….

    On the stand, Devenny continued to speak of the nefarious plans of Mr. O’Brien, including a plot to kill certain members of paliament. Even with her vision adjusted, Jane did not at first see what Vincent was doing.
    >>Ah!…You can do it! :D

    “That’s because he was using us, wasn’t he?” The boy to Vincent’s right said.
    “No.” Jane watched Devenny continue to answer questions.
    >>Oh, excellent. Good idea to explain to the boys.

    “That is what they want you to think so that we turn on each other. Why else would he ask you not to march? Recall that he warned you of this plot, though we did not yet know the details.”
    >>Is this something that needs to be corrected? My impression was that they spilled enough of the beans for the boys to be less in the dark than they seem to be right now?

    “They deny it to anyone not in their Society, of course, but working as a group— absolutely.” Devenny turned to address the jury directly. “In a group, they can manage a more complex glamour than alone. If you’ve seen a coldmonger make an ice at the greengrocer’s, it’s much the same thing, but on a larger scale.”
    >>Ugh. *wince*

    “Oh, no. This is not from Mr. O’Brien. We have another witness…” He let the question of who that witness was hang in the air. “And you encouraged him to start a riot.”
    >>Oooh excellent. :D

    The prosecutor consulted his notes and said, “The Crown next calls Miss Rosalind de Clare.”
    >>ACK! Dundunduuuuunn… I was beginning to think she wouldn’t show up!

    - – -
    Well done! Everything was easy to follow–which I’m sure is a relief since chapters with lots of things going on everywhere are hard. Umm, everything else I’ve noted above!

  • Donna McLaughlin

    This chapter really held my interest.

    Things I liked:

    Mrs Ellsworth swooning – a bit of humour in an otherwise fairly intense chapter
    The elaborateness of the charges
    Vincent’s use of glamour
    The defense lawyer’s approach to raising doubt about the Crown’s interpretation of the evidence
    The cliff hanger ending to the chapter – wow!

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