I ran The Bride Replete through my real life critique group and hope that I’ve incorporated their notes successfully. If you have some time to read the whole thing and let me know if it makes sense, I’d appreciate it. 12,500 words of science-fiction. Think that’s long? You should have seen it in the 16,000 first draft. Ugh.

It’s in a password protected post, but it’s the usual password. Don’t know what that is? Drop me a line and I’ll tell ya.

And here’s the teaser.

When the matriarch announced that she was sending the sixteen members of Pimi’s small-family across the ocean to settle in Repp-Virja, Pimi thought it the end of her life. For though she had seen only seventeen full years, Pimi considered herself ready to fill her crop and begin the social rounds, seeking a mate. Her mother and the matriarch felt otherwise, though how they could expect her to find a mate in a strange, sideways land like the colonies was beyond Pimi’s understanding.

But Pimi packed her luggage and prepared to leave the warm underground rooms of their home. Before her small-family departed, the matriarch held a feast to fill everyone’s crop for the voyage. The gas lights gave a gentle glow to the Deep Hall. Four stations with each of the food families, nuts, fruit, dairy and grain, stood in corners of the room. Like the two fingers on a hand, the nuts and dairy stood at one end of the room; the fruit and grain at the other end represented a hand’s two thumbs. Each a distinct group, but vital for grasping life.

Assigned to the fruit dishes, Pimi ate until her crop distended the spotted green and amber skin of her belly like a bride’s. She adjusted her tunic to show off her growing roundness.

I just typed “end” on “The Bride Replete” and it’s only 13742 words long. That’s a mere 5742 words longer than I was aiming for. I have some holes to patch which currently contain notes in handy [brackets] and then massive trimming. It’s unlikely that I will get it anywhere close to 8000 words, but it can certainly be shorter than this monster.

Mostly there’s a tremendous sense of relief to finally have closure.

Gah. So, see that story over in the side bar? “The Bride Replete?” I keep thinking that I’m about 2000 words from the end of the story. And I’ve been thinking that since about word 4000. I’m at 11,664 and still think that I just need about 2000 words to wrap it up.

I know, I know, I can cut later, but gah–I just want the story to be finished. I’m usually pretty good at deciding what length I want a story to be and hitting that length, but this one…this one is kicking my hiney.

Have you ever had one of these monsters?

The post labled, “The Bride Replete” is about half of my current story in progress. I wanted to show it to some folks who were helping with my chemistry question to give them some context, so I posted it password protected. If you were reading Shades of Milk and Honey, it uses the same password as that.

If you are curious, I’m happy to give you the password, but realize that it is raw text and cuts off mid-sentence.

Now, why would I spend today down in our dark basement when it was gorgeous outside? That would be sheer folly. So I painted the front porch and did some weeding.

I also worked on “The Bride Replete,” which is the first non-novel thing I’ve touched in ages. It feels very good. I’m not ignoring Shades, I’m just still in the resting and rereading period with it.

I was off today and the weather was actually warm enough to sit outside and write. Amazing. I didn’t even need a coat, although I did have on a fleece. I spent some time working on revisions for Ginger Stuyvesant and the Case of the Haunted Nursery and think I have a clear plan of attack, which will result in junking most of the story. I could try to fix it in other ways, but I think this might be easier.

I also worked on The Bride Replete. I took a big chunk of the day to think about calendars and units for measuring time. I’m creating an alien culture, so I can’t exactly have references to June. For the record, the Mayan calendar hurts my brain.

I’ve broken the calendar into twenty-two months, each eighteen days long. My aliens use half-months, but don’t have weeks. I’m ignoring the fact that everything is in base 8 for them, because that would involve math and frankly I doubt that it will come up. I suppose if I’m being really thorough in my world-building I’ll have to decide if they’ve invented zero. But again, this would involve math.

Ick.

Meanwhile, here’s what I’ve actually written today.
First

Starving girls filled the room with pallid silks, almost disappearing against the white walls.

Last

The replete leaned against this.

710 words today, total words 2623

I’m still working on The Bride Replete
First

On board, the ship’s crew ran about preparing the steamer to depart, their bellies flat and taut.

Last

Pimi’s red tunic glared like a beacon against the muted colors of Repp-Virja.

1027 words today, bringing me up to 1252.