In the unpacking o’ our boxes, I found a stash of Shimmer‘s Pirate Issue, edited by Cap’n John Joseph Adams and illustrated by th’ fearsome James A. Owen. I’ll bestow one o’ these treasures on th’ matey with the best piratical exclamation.

“Shiver me timbers” be so old it be swimmin’ w’ th’ fishes.  Show me yer most inventive expression.

So, from now til th’ witching hour on the Pacific Coast, drop yer name in th’ hat o’ comments with yer best piratical speak and I’ll pick me favorite.

In 2007, Dred Pirate John Joseph Adams, of the MS Fantasy and Science Fiction, commandeered the MS Shimmer for one special issue: the Pirate issue, released November 2007.

In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, a holiday dear to our hearts, we’re making the electronic edition freely available. One day only: Plunder away!

Also, if ye be wonderin’, throughout my journal all the text be converted to proper pirate speak. Even what ye landlubber’s post in the comments below.

The highlight for me was, of course, this:

The illustrations throughout this issue were very well done. They had detail and connected very well with the stories. The cover was appropriate and appealing, with a simple graphic design that grabbed the eye without shouting too loud. Inside, the layout was excellent, the stories very readable and the binding solid (it had a graphic novel sort of binding). It was held easier in the hand than a mass market paperback, and each story is just the right length to get you through lunch at the office.

Way to go James and Jeremy Owen, to whom we owe all the art.

Ye sly whiskered dog, ye can pre-order yer copy o’ Shimmer today. What better way to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day?

I’ll tell you what’s better: It’s a double-issue. 136 pages of piratical fiction.

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I also have to say that I loved working with Sean Markey on making this trailer. He created the original music for it. And if you like the art in this, by James A. Owen, wait until you see the rest of the issue. Every story is illustrated.

At long last, I present the table of contents for Shimmer — The Pirate Issue:

* A Hand for Each by J. Kathleen Cheney
* Captain Blood’s B00ty by Jeremiah Tolbert
* The Blackguard of God by Melinda Selmys
* Come to the Islands by Mikal Trimm
* Interview with the Founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Jen West
* The Barbary Shore by James L. Cambias
* Pirates by Adeline Thromb Age 8 by Marissa K. Lingen
* The Sweet Realm by Jill Snider Lum
* The Furies by Rajan Khanna
* The Perfect Hook by Justine Graykin
* Hard Times for Bartleby Crow by Grant Stone

This was a lot of fun to put together. I’m really looking forward to seeing the finished product (and the artwork by James Owen!), and to hearing what people think of the stories.

Okay, so I’ve waded through most of the submissions now. I’ve still got 27 in my inbox that I haven’t read yet. Everything else has either been rejected or been set aside for further consideration (or possibly inexplicably lost–possible, but unlikely).

Of course, I do have the exciting pirate filter, so you can read his comments in the piratical style to which you’ve become accustomed.

Okay folks, the submission period has now closed, so I figure it’s time for an update for all those concerned. So…while the submission period is closed, I haven’t yet made any final decisions or anything, and it might be a while before I sort through all the submissions. I’ve still got 50 or so waiting to be downloaded, plus a number of others I’ve got in my reading queue already. But never fear — I am the Slush God, after all, so I should be able to get through them quickly enough.

Thanks to everyone who submitted, and good luck to those of you who still have submissions pending.

Any questions? Arrrr!

The MS Shimmer has been captured by the Dred Pirate John Joseph Adams, first-mate of the Fantasy & Science Fiction. For the Summer 2007 issue, our pages will be filled with pirate stories. What better way to celebrate National Talk Like a Pirate Day?

What kind of pirates? All kinds — fantasy, science fiction, contemporary, historical, futuristic, high seas, deep space — if it’s got pirates and it’s speculative fiction, Captain Adams wants it. The usual Shimmer guidelines apply, but with pirates.

Brin’ us yer pirate stories fer Summer 2007, th’ Pirate Issue.

Submission porthole: December 1, 2006-January 31, 2007.

Send submissions to submissions@shimmerzine.com with “Pirate Submission: Title” in the subject line.

There are a number of good photos on Flickr of the Shimmer Pirate Party. Check out this one of Jay Lake getting tattooed by Beth.

Pirates say “Arrr!”, damn it: no “gh.” “Argh!” is a cry of frustration (it is, also apparently a fungeoid esoteric programming language). I keep seeing this error over and over, and as the editor of a piratical periodical, this bothers me.

I have to say that I love the way “piratical periodical” rolls off the tongue.

I expect each of ye scurvy dogs to be talkin’ like a pirate this fine day. And to make sure ye do, this journal be havin a pirate filter installed, so any o’ yer comments gonna be convertin’ to pirate speak. In case ye be needin any other advice, visit the hearty lads at www.talklikeapirate.com. There’s many other fine instructional videos there.

Your basic tools are Pitch, Placement, Pacing, Accent and Attitude.
Pitch is fairly self-explanatory. To check your range, hum from your highest to your lowest note. Of that, you probably mostly use the middle when speaking. While it can help color a character, it isn’t a good idea to rely on pitch alone to distinguish between characters, simply because you use more than one note while speaking.

Placement

There are several resonators which affect the tone of the voice. Put one hand on your chest and the other hand on your nose. Now hum through your range again. As you do, you’ll feel your chest vibrate at the low end and your nose vibrate in the upper middle. These are both resonators.

The facial mask has several other resonating cavities, which you mostly notice with a sinus infection. Ever wonder why you sound nasally with a cold?

You can move the voice from the front of the mouth to the back of the throat. Broadly speaking Russian tends to be at the back of the mouth while British English tends to be very forward.

I will now attempt to explain how to do this without being able to demonstrate. (Oy. Why did I think this was a good plan.) Okay, start with the nasal resonator, because it’s easiest to find.
-Hold your nose, say, “Nnnnnn” and try to get your nose to really buzz.
-Now remove your hand and try to talk, keeping your voice as nasally as possible. Use the phrase, “What did you say?” as your experimental phrase.
-Try adjusting the pitch while keeping the nasality.
A little bit of nasality can be used to make a “brighter” sound.

Next we’ll move to the back of the throat. Open your mouth in a yawn. Let your soft palate rise. Try to talk. Does it feel like your voice is at the back of your mouth? Again, play with pitch. Placing your voice at the back of your throat can make a “darker” sound.

Next, we’re going to move a series of consonants from the back of the mouth to the front. As you do this, pay attention to where your voice feels like it is during the “aaaah” portion of each consonant sequence. It will be subtle.
The series runs like this. Guh, guh, guh, guh, Gaaaah, Kuh, kuh, kuh, kuh, kaah, (I’m not going to write them all out, I’ll give you the consonants and you can figure out the pattern.) G, K, D, T, B, P.
Reverse it, moving from Puh to Guh.
Try saying our test phrase, “What did you say?” at each “location” in the mouth.

Roughly, and very loosely, that’s placement. I’ll talk about other aspects of placement when I discuss how to create specific types of voices like children and older people.

Moving on.

Pacing

This covers everything from how quickly a character speaks to the types of rhythms they use. Is their voice quick, but fluid or is it staccatto. Slow and halting, or does it drawl?

Note: Generally speaking, always speak slower than you think you should when reading.

Attitude

You can tell on the phone if someone is smiling, right? Technically, it’s a combination of the things we’ve already talked about, but fundamentally it’s about attitude. If you know your character, you’ll know how they speak.
Take the phrase, “What did you say?” Say it as if you are angry. Now, curious. Disbelieving? Great. Now say it like you’re a parent and a kid has just talked back to you. That is attitude. Attitude is your friend.

Accent

Chances are, this won’t be something you need to deal with. If you do have a character who has an accent for God’s sake, make sure you can do it convincingly. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone butcher an accent, it will destroy the credibility of your story faster than you can say “Run fer the hills.” There are a lot of tapes that deal with learning accents for actors. If you’re going to do it, do it right.

So, those are the basic tools. The nice thing about character voices is that you can be fairly subtle. Most of the time the Attitude and Pace will be enough. If you can affect Placement, that’s even better. What you are looking for is a voice that is distinct from the other voices and appropriate to the character. Of course, which of these tricks you use for each voice depends on the character for whom you are speaking.

Still, there are some basic types of voices, so I’ll talk about how to make a child’s voice as an example, and then later talk about aging voices and cross-gender voicing. A lot of this will be useful for other voice types.

The natural impulse for people is to shoot up into falsetto for kids’ voices. The trouble is that it alters the placement of your voice so much that it sounds ridiculous.

In singing one speaks of the Chest Voice, Middle Voice, Head Voice and Falsetto. Each of these resonates in a different place. Most people speak with their chest and middle voices–this includes children. So when you raise your voice too high to match a child’s pitch you move it into a different place.

The human voice uses a number of different muscles to generate sound. Generally speaking, the longer someone’s neck is the deeper their voice will be. So a child, with a short neck is also going to have a higher voice. In addition to the changes that happen at puberty, this has a huge impact on the pitch you hear.

That said, we respond tone as much as pitch. So to make a child’s voice, raise your pitch a little, but don’t try to do a literal match with kid.

The next thing is resonance. There are different resonating cavities that simply don’t develop until you’re an adult. To make a child’s voice you need to kill the resonance in your voice. Part of that happens by raising up to a head voice, which gets you away from your chest resonating cavity. Next, keep your soft palate down. And now try to make certain that you aren’t resonating in your nose, which you can do by pinching your nose. (Remember those exercises?)

You also need to add a tiny bit of aspiration. Aspiration is what happens when you allow more air to pass through your throat than is needed to produce sound. Remember the scene in My Fair Lady when Eliza is learning to pronounce her Hs? An H is an aspirated sound. People will also say something sounds “breathy” Think of Marilyn Monroe singing “Happy Birthday.” A little bit of aspiration helps make the voice sound less supported and younger.

Finally there’s the pronunciation. This is going to change depending on how young your child is, but in the under-10 camp things to listen for are more pronounced dipthongs and softer consonants.

Great, but what if there’s a piece with more than one kid? Remember Attitude and Pace. You can also still adjust placement by making one voice more or less nasal. Or having a voice that is breathier than the others. Again, with this or any character voice you don’t need to push far to make it distinctive.

With all voices, the main thing to focus on is telling the story, if a character voice prevents you from conveying emotion don’t use it.

Next week, I’ll talk about narrating.

You’ve got to admire the fact that the film makers tell a complete story with no spoken words at all.

Pirates! The word evokes the high seas, deep space and bootleg software. Be honest, who hasn’t wanted to be a pirate? Think of plunder, booty–Avast!

The MS Shimmer has been captured by the Dred Pirate John Joseph Adams, first-mate of the Fantasy & Science Fiction. For the Summer 2007 issue, our pages will be filled with pirate stories. What better way to celebrate National Talk Like a Pirate Day?

What kind of pirates? All kinds – fantasy, science fiction, contemporary, historical, futuristic, high seas, deep space – if it’s got pirates and it’s speculative fiction, Captain Adams wants it. The usual Shimmer guidelines apply, but with pirates.

Bring us your pirate stories for Summer 2007, the Pirate Issue.

Submission porthole: December 1, 2006-January 31, 2007.

Send submissions to submissions@shimmerzine.com with “Pirate Submission: Title” in the subject line.

Links
Ye scurvy sea-dogs need some inspirin’? Here are some links to get ye started.

Watch the History Channel’s series on pirates, beginning July 9.

Can’t think of a name for your pirate vessel? Check out this pirate ship name generator.

Read some sobering information on the connection between pirates and global warming in this Open Letter to Kansas School Board.

Brush up on your pirate words and phrases.

And don’t forget Bloodthirsty Pirate Tales.

If we be missin’ some links, or if ye have more questions, fire a cannon over our fo’c's’le at midnight, or send e-mail to info@shimmerzine.com.

Now you know why I need a pirate name.

Shimmer is a nice little small press magazine with a very good group of stories by new writers.

My pirate name is:

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Trust me. It will become clear why I need a pirate name.