I liked slow realization Guorun (sorry, I don’t know how to make the special letters) had of Hakon being a ghost. She was obviously deeply in love with him so she wouldn’t notice any odd things right away. But slowly, she noticed the repeating, her name pronounced incorrectly, and the fact that there was no broken ice on the river. At the end, I can imagine someone needing to pry her loose from the rope.
One little thing, “Guðrun turned over one of the potatoes over, popping an eye off the wrinkled brown skin.” I think there is an extra “over” in there. One of those things the brain auto corrects.
Just a question, is it Icelandic lore that ghost repeat things? I’ve never heard that before. I like it though, it worked well and was explained easy enough by the conversation with Sigga.
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal
Thanks, Mike. Yep, ghosts repeat things in Icelandic folklore. This is a retelling of an existing story of the same title. When I told my Icelandic friends which story I was going to do, they couldn’t figure out how I could since so many key elements are things that they just grew up with, like the repeating things and the fact that ghosts can’t say the name of God.
http://everythingsun.blogspot.com Mike F
I could see how they would think that. I didn’t have a problem with it. I will admit the first time Hakon said “beautiful, beautiful” I didn’t catch it. I thought it was a typo until I kept reading and remembered the earlier scene. But, I was not confused, which is not normally the case.
I also think it is better that you ended it with her ringing the bell instead of the original story.
I hope this helps. At least you have a layman’s view.
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal
A layman’s view is exactly what I wanted. I had told the people at the writers’ retreat what story I was adapting, so they all knew the basic plot before they read the story.
http://www.michelelee.net Michele Lee
I think you have a classic ghost tale here and I like the Icelandic twist. The only suggestion I have is since you put so much effort into using terms, names, legends etc to make the story very Icelandic you should use the proper term for this bit “a smooth gait almost gliding over the ground”, which is tölt. Icelandic horses are so cool. They are 5 or 6 gaited instead of the typical 4 that most other horses have. I think you should totally use that too to help set this story apart.
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal
Heh. I actually had tölt but cut it because every cue I could think of to let the uniformed reader know what it meant was clunkier than merited by the story needs.
I didn’t think about the people who know Icelandic horses.
http://www.michelelee.net Michele Lee
Well you do only a little further mention the horse’s hooves moving and striking the ice. I thought the reader might put the two and two together. Plus, don’t they often refer to toddlers as tolting as well? Or is that just me?
http://everythingsun.blogspot.com Mike F
I know nothing of horses of any kind, and I’ve not heard the word tölt before, but I don’t think it would distract me from the story. I’d probably be able to figure it out based on the context, or look it up. I had to look up Plokkfiskur. I didn’t look it up until after I read the story, but I was able get the idea while reading the story.
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal
Keen. Well, I’ll look at fitting tölt in there ’cause I miss it too.
http://puppetkaos.com Kelvin Kao
Hi, my name is Kelvin and I am a layman… okay, I know nobody talks like that, but you get the point.
Although I already knew that it’s a ghost story (from the other post) and I was pretty certain that Hákon was the ghost (would be a strange story if Rosa was the ghost…), it still gave me chills as I slowly figured that out along with Guðrun. Of course, Guðrun was figuring it out based on the repetitve words, and I was just in denial since I knew it’s a ghost story.
The beginning set-up part is what sets written stories apart from movies. I was picturing the scene while reading, and then here’s how it goes:
Reading: ….. a beard …..
My mind: Oh great. (adds a beard to mental picture)
Reading: ….. a skirt …..
My mind: Oh, she’s wearing a skirt? Now you tell me. (adds a skirt to mental picture)
And when I clicked on the link to the existing folklore, I thought… Heeeyyyy, I’ve been to this website! I was reading different versions of similar stories. It’s interesting that many different cultures are telling similar stories either by derivation or coincidences…
http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal
Enter your password to view comments.