Comments on: Readers Wanted: The Conciousness Problem http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/ The daily journal of a puppeteer and SF writer. Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:49:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Mary Robinette Kowal http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34226 Mary Robinette Kowal Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:24:42 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34226 No problem. I got some really useful feedback and feel pretty good about this one. Likely I'll post another on on Monday, if I finish the thing I'm working on now. No problem. I got some really useful feedback and feel pretty good about this one.

Likely I’ll post another on on Monday, if I finish the thing I’m working on now.

]]> By: Michael Curry http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34224 Michael Curry Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:00:28 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34224 Wait, it's Thursday already, and I still haven't read the story? Drat. Next time you put one of these up for feedback I'll have to make a point of printing it out the day you post it.... Wait, it’s Thursday already, and I still haven’t read the story? Drat. Next time you put one of these up for feedback I’ll have to make a point of printing it out the day you post it….

]]> By: Pam http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34210 Pam Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:46:24 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34210 The thing I liked most about this story was that I was never sure exactly where it was going. I thought pretty early on that she was a clone, although the idea that she had died in the wreck and been cloned hadn't occurred to me. I just thought she was a clone and the real her was elsewhere, maybe at the office. At one point when she offered herself to Raj and he got a look on his face I thought it was because he knew she was a clone and didn't want to have sex with her because of that, although I think they did at another point, so that should have clued me in there. At the end, when she lined the knives up, was she going to kill herself? Why was she obsessed with the knives? I'd have liked to see a reason for that. At one point she'd mentioned opening the cut up bigger to let herself out (more or less) -- that was something I thought could have been expanded on just a touch. I think the reflections bringing on the hallucinations wasn't explored further enough. What were the hallucinations and why did she dread them? It would have helped, perhaps to see one. Maybe a hallucination that she was different somehow or something. I liked how she lost time, but it was seamless in the reading, and yet not confusing. At the end, I would have liked to have seen a glimmer of doubt somewhere that the clone of the clone of Raj wasn't lying to her about whether or not she was a clone. If it was meant that there was a doubt, I didn't get that feeling. It could be something subtle, a shift of his eyes, or some other sign that she recognizes or doesn't recognize. And now some nits: --A shadow in corner of the mirror moved. -- A shadow in *the* corner --“Fine. We’ll stick the standards.”-- stick *to* the standards ???? --the other was an copy -- *a* copy --Clearly, he had no idea that it was like a confession that the clone was right;-- This sentence is awkward for me: that it was like, that the clone... the two uses of "that". Is there punctuation missing? a hyphen after confession, maybe? --daring him to chose work over her. -- choose --I started the process as soon as the building was empty last night.”-- Ok.... he says *I* started the process... the cloning process, right? But it was the clone that started the process, right? I know he's saying *I* because he has all the clone's memories and such, but in the previous sentence, he refers to himself as the clone of the one you met. Ok my brain is twisting. To me, the above sentence should be "he started the process" because he thinks of himself as a clone, not as the "other" clone. --She had braced herself for him to say that she was clone.-- *a* clone If you have any questions, please email me. Pam The thing I liked most about this story was that I was never sure exactly where it was going. I thought pretty early on that she was a clone, although the idea that she had died in the wreck and been cloned hadn’t occurred to me. I just thought she was a clone and the real her was elsewhere, maybe at the office.

At one point when she offered herself to Raj and he got a look on his face I thought it was because he knew she was a clone and didn’t want to have sex with her because of that, although I think they did at another point, so that should have clued me in there.

At the end, when she lined the knives up, was she going to kill herself? Why was she obsessed with the knives? I’d have liked to see a reason for that. At one point she’d mentioned opening the cut up bigger to let herself out (more or less) — that was something I thought could have been expanded on just a touch.

I think the reflections bringing on the hallucinations wasn’t explored further enough. What were the hallucinations and why did she dread them? It would have helped, perhaps to see one. Maybe a hallucination that she was different somehow or something.

I liked how she lost time, but it was seamless in the reading, and yet not confusing.

At the end, I would have liked to have seen a glimmer of doubt somewhere that the clone of the clone of Raj wasn’t lying to her about whether or not she was a clone. If it was meant that there was a doubt, I didn’t get that feeling. It could be something subtle, a shift of his eyes, or some other sign that she recognizes or doesn’t recognize.

And now some nits:

–A shadow in corner of the mirror moved. –

A shadow in *the* corner

–“Fine. We’ll stick the standards.”–
stick *to* the standards ????

–the other was an copy –
*a* copy

–Clearly, he had no idea that it was like a confession that the clone was right;–
This sentence is awkward for me: that it was like, that the clone… the two uses of “that”. Is there punctuation missing? a hyphen after confession, maybe?

–daring him to chose work over her. –
choose

–I started the process as soon as the building was empty last night.”–
Ok…. he says *I* started the process… the cloning process, right? But it was the clone that started the process, right? I know he’s saying *I* because he has all the clone’s memories and such, but in the previous sentence, he refers to himself as the clone of the one you met. Ok my brain is twisting. To me, the above sentence should be “he started the process” because he thinks of himself as a clone, not as the “other” clone.

–She had braced herself for him to say that she was clone.–
*a* clone

If you have any questions, please email me.

Pam

]]> By: Angela Slatter http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34200 Angela Slatter Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:47:43 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34200 As always, I'm happy to be your reader! Password? :-) As always, I’m happy to be your reader! Password? :-)

]]> By: Mary Robinette Kowal http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34199 Mary Robinette Kowal Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:00:57 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34199 Thanks for offering, David! I'd love to get this off my desk by the end of the week, but I'm likely to have other stories that will need readers later on. Thanks for offering, David! I’d love to get this off my desk by the end of the week, but I’m likely to have other stories that will need readers later on.

]]> By: David de Beer http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/readers-wanted-the-conciousness-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-34197 David de Beer Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:40:41 +0000 http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com/?p=2997#comment-34197 what's the time line you're looking at? I'd like to take a look, but also have some other crits that are overdue. so if you have a week or 2? then yeah, otherwise I'll skip this round. what’s the time line you’re looking at? I’d like to take a look, but also have some other crits that are overdue. so if you have a week or 2? then yeah, otherwise I’ll skip this round.

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