Polaroid Photo

Tue
1
Jul '08

It’s like slush invaded my novel

Oh, God. Why?

Dressed in a simple white chemise, stitched with a hint of gold at the bosom, the Faerie Queen made a symphony of white and gold.

White and gold, huh? You don’t say.

The Faerie Queen, on a dais across the room, rose from the simple wood chair in which she sat talking with a cluster of other Fae.

It’s like I was trying to use every preposition in one sentence.

On the other hand, I’m quite fond of this image.

The naiad hummed under her breath and the gills on the side of her neck yawned pink against her pale blue skin.

20 Comments »

  • Julia

    Hey, at least you’re catching it before it slips out much further.

    Of course, I must submit the nitpick that I think the image you like would flow better if phrased “The naiad hummed under her breath, the gills on the sides of her neck yawning pink against her pale blue skin.” ;) Ever so humbly (and anxious to know what happens next, you are just teasing me, aren’t you?!)

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Do you want the rest of it?

      • Julia

        Yes, please. And I need to check my bloody GMail more, it seems. I just hit today and found the gift you left me like EONS ago. =/ Rest assured, if you would like it proofed it is officially at the top of my priority list this evening, ma’am. And I shan’t fall down on the job again. I have smacked myself repeatedly over the last half-hour. =/

  • http://misapostrophication.blogspot.com Steph Campisi

    Heh, somewhere out there, I bet there’s a mean-spirited computer nerd writing a virus that inserts bad prose into authors’ otherwise beautiful writing. . .

    And it’s already infected my computer!

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      … Now I have to write that story. Or someone does. You thought of it first, so go!

  • Angela Slatter

    It’s okaym it happens to the best of us!! That’s why we have editing :-)

  • Angela Slatter

    In fact, it’s OKAY it happens to the best of us!! That’s why we have editing. D’oh.

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Thank you for making me feel better.

  • http://neutronjockey.livejournal.com Jeff

    You are awfully tough on yourself. You can at least catch it before it’s submitted.

    I however, promulgate passionate and purple prose poised for professional print publication.

    I could teach you…

    >:) >:P

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Oh, I’m sure you’re not as…shall we say, inspired, as some of the slush that comes through Shimmer.

      • http://neutronjockey.livejournal.com Jeff

        Oh, I’m sure you’re not as…shall we say, inspired, as some of the slush that comes through Shimmer.

        I’ve had my moment… ;)

  • http://puppetkaos.com Kelvin Kao

    You know, if the story is good, I probably wouldn’t even care. So what if the white is very white, gold is very gold, and forests are full of trees?

    Yeah, of course this kind of stuff will bug some people, but not me (if you can distract me with a good enough story to ignore those details).

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Thanks, Kelvin! I just want both. Pretty prose and good story.

  • -d-

    I’m more bothered by something with gills being able to hum.

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      It gets worse, she speaks in the next sentence. It’s a dual breathing system.

  • http://www.lawrencemschoen.com Lawrence M. Schoen

    Huh. I just tried to hum under my breath. Couldn’t do it. Turns out I can either hum, or I can breathe, but I can’t manage both simultaneously. Of course, maybe if I had gills (or had made it to the Codex retreat, participated in the eldritch rituals, and learned your arcane ways…).

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Hmmmmm…..

      Humming requires air to pass over the vocal folds, so you have to do the exhalation portion of breathing to hum. “Under one’s breath” means “in a muted voice,” not “without respiration” so you probably can hum under your breath. Granted, there are those people who are incapable of being quiet but I don’t think you fall into that category.

  • Michael Curry

    Heh. Those first two may have been some of the bits I was referring to when I said, “the prose tends to feel less graceful somehow.”

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Yep. That’s what I call a raw draft. It wasn’t even to the first draft phase when I sent it to you. Spell check and nothing else.

  • http://everythingsun.blogspot.com Mike F

    As others have said, at least you caught it and can bring it up to your usual high standards. Besides, I’ve read much worse.

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