You’re right. These “big names” are just people too. But sometimes it’s hard not to over think about networking. My biggest fear is that I’ll meet someone and have no clue who they are until someone else points it out. I’ve done that before.

More importantly I hope to employ these when I see you at Readercon this year. Last time I was so freaked out at being at my first con I was a total geek. Nerdgassing all the way ’round.

Pay attention to body language!

I stood next to Charlie Stross for minutes before I realized that he was free to talk and wasn’t sure if I had wanted to talk to him. (Of course I wanted to talk to him. He’s Charlie Stross.) I wasted several minutes with ambiguous “is it ok for me to be here?” body language before I finally caught on. When someone indicates that he’s free to talk to you, he probably means it. D’oh…
(Luckily, he was sitting on the couch so I didn’t really inconvenience him. I was mortified after the fact though.)

Likewise, when that person is ready to end the conversation, his or her body language will indicate this. This may be a good time for you to invoke your exit strategy. You don’t want to trap others.

BTW, “Goosegirl” is the best reading I’ve heard ever. Maggie’s story is already wonderful, but the reading heightened it more than I’d thought possible. Thank you so much for doing it. I hope for more?

“Mickey lit up a diet cigarette – menthol, good for the bones – and knocked back a neat shot of whisky as he contemplated the Car-Pool Killer’s latest crime. It was sick; sharing rides to cut costs and carbon footprints was one thing, but to murder a victim halfway across Brooklyn Bridge and then keep their dead body bouncing along happily for the pool lane’s cameras was an eco-disaster waiting to happen. Think about the decomposing corpses.

Mickey couldn’t think about decomposing corpses, though. All he could think about was his beautiful ex-wife Minnie, and the way her thick black lashes used to bat together and like iron rungs when she fluttered her eyelids towards the camera. She’d left him for a shaman shapeshifter – Goofy’d had them fooled all along – and now all he had left was his sword, Fantasia, and the little magic that he’d learned from Pocahontas…”

(I jest, of course)

No, no. This is [x] and they are staying at the same hotel, eating at the same restaurants and had to go through the same travel ordeal to get there as you did.

When dealing with celebrity — unless the person is a jerk — they are more than likely relieved if you aren’t a fan girl. Think about it. If someone comes up to you and gushes at length about something you’ve done, doesn’t there hit a point that you feel uncomfortable? You’re appreciative, of course, but since you haven’t seen what they’ve done, you can’t reciprocate. It’s hard to transition out of that conversation. It feels awkward. So it’s okay to not be fan-girl. It’s okay to not have read their stuff.

I’m bad with names and not terribly social and I stumble verbally sometimes. I usually say that I think better through my hands. But if I sit back doing nothing because I’m afraid I won’t recognize some big name editor or publisher or might reveal to n author that I’ve only read their blog, or a short story and I’m not a proper fan girl at all, well that gets nothing done. Whereas if I stumble or make a mistake, maybe we can all have a good laugh about it and move on.

I suck at schmoozing. Very intimidating.

Did you follow the website link to see the giant elephant they did in London? That would have impressed you, seriously.

Perhaps I have the butting in round the wrong way. Hmm. Coincidentally, I just this moment got back from having a drink with one of Gary’s friends (or a family friend’s daughter, or something) who’s over in London working for a law firm this month. Apparently I meet awesome people through him? He’s a fantastic guy..

I like to be very real, though, and if people don’t like me for what I am… there are usually others who do, and see that it’s genuine.

Ah… see, this is the key and it’s the thing that’s hardest to get across in Idea 1. The reason that finding the common interest works is that I don’t have to fake it. I won’t pretend to be someone that I’m not. ((I do that in theater, but people are paying me then.)) I mean, if you start talking about football, I’m liable to zone out very quickly. Baseball, there’s enough there that I like that I can enjoy the conversation. If you start talking theater or about a favorite book or cooking, then I’m instantly hooked. Does that make sense? Effective schmoozing isn’t about being someone else. People can sense fakers a mile away. It’s about being yourself at your most charming.

Ah, well. I concur with your sentiments, though, and would say I go for some of the same reasons. I like to be very real, though, and if people don’t like me for what I am… there are usually others who do, and see that it’s genuine. (I hope!)

Idea 1: brain crashing, fast, every time…

heh, thanks Mary, very insightful. I have stumbled this. I like stumbling, it’s rather fun.

but the power of narrative on career

do post on this, it sounds interesting.

Evar.

(Why do I say this…because inevitably some agent or editor gets caught at the urinal (men) or in the stall (men or women) or washing their hands (just the women—we know men don’t wash their hands by “the one”)

Active schmoozing comes into play if…okay, let me use theater as an example. Opening night of a show, part of my job sometimes is to be visible and pleasant so that sponsors will feel even better about giving their money to the show. In that case, being on display, I’m actively schmoozing. I usually wind up telling the same stories over and over, because meeting the creators of the show is part of the opening night experience. That is very active schmoozing.

The rest of the time, it is passive schmoozing, which you’d probably call networking and making friends.

Actually, the idea that “other people are more interesting than you” is something my mother taught me for booking conferences. It makes it more enjoyable for me because I wind up learning so much more and getting to talk about things that I otherwise wouldn’t.

Unfortunately, I fear the ones who need it most wouldn’t read it.