Polaroid Photo

Tue
31
Mar '09

Bacon on my husband

me:Did you see the ridiculous traffic that post is getting?

Scalzi: Not surprised. Everyone loves foam.

me: The only thing that would be more popular is if I taped bacon to it.

Scalzi: I dare you to do the bacon thing.

me: Oh you are playing with fire there, mister.

Scalzi: It has to happen now.

me: It will be fakin bacon, since we’re vegetarian.

Scalzi: Doesn’t count.

me: Oh come on!

Scalzi: Nope. Has to be the real thing. It is an integrity thing.

me: Seriously? It has to be real bacon? That’s just prejudicial, man.

Scalzi: I think it does. I mean, among other things, using faux bacon would be to admit you HAVE faux bacon.

me: Yes? And there’s a problem with that? I could tape tofu to him. Or eggplant.

Scalzi: It must be thought upon.

me: Hm. I could carve it into bacon.

Scalzi: Ha! Possibly.

me: Although, I think that might be grounds for divorce in some states.

Scalzi: It may be.

Which is what led me to wander into the living room and say, “Honey, I have a favor to ask, without context.  May I tape bacon to your Giant Block of Foam?”

“Sure.”

Bacon on Rob

Later….
me: That was only moderately successful.

Scalzi: He was resistant, I assume.

Me: No. The fakin’ was.

Scalzi: That’s why you need the real thing, baby!

me: Hmph.

So, the lesson learned here is that one should not question the judgement of Scalzi, the Baconical Wonder.

25 Comments »

  • http://www.AlmaAlexander.com Alna Alexander

    Actually I’m holding out for talkin’ squeakin’ puppet bacon, myself… with entrails…

  • Julia

    …oh LORD. Mary, I needed this belly laugh today, desperately. Thank you.

  • http://everythingsun.blogspot.com Mike F.

    You should have taped the bacon to the cat, then the cat to the GBof. Now that would have been something. :)

    • rick

      I second MikeF! Bacon > Cat > GBOF.

  • Geoff K.

    Gawd! Will the torment never stop?

    ROFLMAO

  • http://www.jkathleencheney.com J. Cheney

    OMG! You’ve made it even more awesome!!!

  • Tom

    Actually.

    To really step it up.

    Tape Bacon to your cat.

    Tape Cat to GBoF

    Then show it to Scalzi.

  • BJSchild

    No no no.
    Then TAPE it to Scalzi!

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      Now THAT is something worth thinking about.

  • momk

    Where in the world?
    Two cats, fake bacon and a slumbering
    hubby?

  • http://leeflower.livejournal.com Annalee Flower Horne

    Really, it’s the cat that makes this priceless.

    (also, what brand of fakon? Are you pleased with its quality? I’m shopping around for a new brand, is why I ask).

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      It’s Fakin’ Bacon which is smoked tempeh and quite tasty. It gets a good crunch when fried and has a nice salty, smoky character.

  • http://www.chrisbillett.net Chris Billett

    You’re vegetarian? I remember talking about vegetarian diets in the bar in December, but thought you thought it was healthy but weren’t! Is it a new thing? If so, hats off! My non-dairy is going well.

    Err – good baconing too!

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      I’m mostly vegetarian but have a “cultural clause” that let’s me eat meat in appropriate situations, like at my Grandma’s house. She’s lives in the South and it’s not possible to eat there without consuming pork. Or in foreign countries with local specialties. Stuff like that.

      • http://www.chrisbillett.net Chris Billett

        Ah yes – that’s probably exactly what you said. Let’s face it, I remembered the month wrong so I am probably slightly hazy on most of it!

        I made a similar deal with myself re: dairy; that I would not worry when eating at other people’s n’ cause hassle. It has proved easier than I expected to avoid, to be honest.

  • http://wereadscifi.com Cam Turner

    Frakin’ Fakin’ Bacon :) Should be the real deal.

    Also, tape bacon to all 3 of them at once then get the camera out.

  • http://www.eswynn.com Earl S. Wynn

    This made me LoL.

  • -d-

    I think it says something about the fake bacon that the cat is ignoring it. Actually even Marlo is ignoring it. It must be awful.

    • http://www.maryrobinettekowal.com Mary Robinette Kowal

      You’ve had it and liked it, Dad.

  • http://mcurry.livejournal.com/ Michael Curry

    Oh my. Even with the fakin’, that’s still pretty damned funny. Well done!

  • http://fathercrow.blogspot.com/ Fathercrow

    So is microwave bacon “real” bacon? Because it sure looks nifty but it tastes like card board.

  • http://www.kristenbehlings.com Kristen Behlings

    Ha ha ha!

    Aw, sweet kitty. Gotta nurse him back to health.

  • http://aeandsometimesa.blogspot.com/ Kaethe

    What greater love hath any man that he say “sure” when asked a truly bizarre question by his wife. I’m not bothered by the faux bacon, but the scale is wrong, somehow. There needs to be a much higher bacon to GBoF ratio, I think, for true awesomeness.

  • http://joesherry.blogspot.com Joe Sherry

    Snrt.

  • breadburner

    If it was real bacon the cat wouldn’t be looking at his jugular.

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