The first thing you should know when you call hardware stores in NYC to see if they have axes, is that all of them, without exception, will ask you who you are planning on killing.

The second thing you should know is that after you pick up the axe, you will have no problems finding a seat on the subway.

The third thing is that random passerbys will engage you in conversations like the following.

“Whoa. You mean business,” the man says as he comes out the door and sees you.

“Yeah, well,” you said, not really wanting to explain the show for which the axe is a prop. “There’s not much call for them in the city, I’ll admit.”

“He must have really pissed you off.”

You smile. “It’s so true. There’s really not a reason to have an axe in the city unless you’re planning to off someone.”

If you say that, the passerby will suddenly find something else very interesting on the other side of the street.

All of which makes me wonder why I could buy an axe in a city with no need for cutting firewood.