Steve Savile went through Waiting For Rain and really helped me see the pacing problems and the places where my main character wasn’t active enough. Not to mention some clarity issues. He read it and just shouted (not really) questions at me as they occurred to him. I would fix the passage in question and read the fix back to him. I loved it.

Of course, after that I totally rewrote the first ten pages–sorry Fab Girl, I’ll have to send you the revision.

Here’s the new opening.

Waiting for Rain

Mundari Vineyard 2045, Nashik (India), Shiraz
Black cherry, plum, and currant flavors mingle with aromas of barnyard and sweet smoke in this solid Shiraz from India.

     The sun peeking through the grapevines felt hotter on Bharat’s neck than twenty-four degrees celsius. Another perfect day. Bharat scowled and worked his way down the row of vines, thinning the poorly set grapes so the remaining crop would become fuller and riper.
    Not that there was a point in having healthy vines since ISRO turned his micro-climate off. But he couldn’t pay his weather bill, so he had no rain.
Without rain, the grapevines would start showing signs of stress, and stressed grapes made poor wine. No one bought flawed wine.
    He snipped another promising cluster from the grapevine, dropping it on the ground where it would raisin in the persistent sunshine.